Friends, Lovers, Soul Mates and Loss

Relationships in our society seem to be painfully well defined and yet woefully misunderstood. If you ask most men or women to describe their "soul mate", it almost immediately takes on a sexual tone. We start describing this person that is our perfect mate, our opposite that completes us, and provides that magical relationship everyone wants, but rarely gets. What happens, though, if your soul mate is your best friend? Or, how do you describe loving someone so deeply that you are you, because of knowing them, but it's your brother or sister? Can we have a soul mate that is our business partner, or the person we create with, but not the person we want to be romantic with? YES! Unfortunately these are relationships that are hard to understand, and even harder to explain to the people around you.

As an astrologer, I love to watch people transverse the ups and downs of their lives. I am often in awe of how they decide to pull on one strength or hide in another. In the end, what I almost always see is divine timing. I see how someone might use their Pisces influence to hide, and while the rest of us worry about them, they pull themselves out of hiding just when it's the right time for everyone. And, I am always learning from it. As these recent eclipses have moved through our lives, I have again been amazed at watching how they are resonating with those I am lucky enough to have honest, heart to heart talks with. The themes of friendship, past lovers, soul mates and loss have been right at the raw edges of many of these conversations. Even with friends and acquaintances I have had fairly casual conversations with, there has been a nostalgic toss of topic to a past boyfriend, or they bring up one of mine. And for all of us, there has been some consideration on how relationships of all kinds, past and present, have molded the person we are now. Our past is almost always remembered in relation to the people we were sharing it with, and sometime, that makes the memories quite bitter sweet.

The truth is, we are actually very limited when it comes to talking about relationships in our society, because it seems like there are little boxes of defined ideas on how we are supposed to relate to each other. We need more definitions, or maybe we need to start refusing to have definitions at all. We are becoming more and more complicated beings. We are living longer with the ability to make connections across the world, now. We, as men and women, are hearing the call to become more balanced within our own sacred masculine and feminine, and the connections to each other are demanding more examination. I have had relationships with my family, my girlfriends, friends that were guy-friends, Lovers that were not exactly friends, friends that I couldn't seem to keep from becoming lovers, and simple, fit in the box relationships that were easy to explain. Out of all of those relationships, some have been soul mates, some have been ships passing by, but all become a part of my past and present. These connections make me who I am, and how I tell my story. Unfortunately, some of those stories are just as defined by the good-bye, as the pages leading up to it.

In reality, I have had very few relationships that don't fit into some kind of definition the world can relate to. As a woman, I think we get a little more leeway for defining our relationships, especially with each other. It's kind of a stereotype, or a given double standard, but women are expected to have close relationships with other women, their children, and are prepared emotionally from the start to have deep feelings that have nothing to do with sex. Men, on the other hand, can find it difficult to describe how they love someone that isn't a romantic interest. For a growing number of men, especially men that don't quite fit into today's more aggressive, less introspective, stereotypical male role model, they have complicated relationships, too.  I have no idea what it would be like to lose a best friend or soul mate as a man in today's world, and we don't provide much room to talk about it.

In my world, I was given a lot of freedom by my Aquarian mother to talk freely, love openly, and grow into myself. As a girl, growing into a woman, I never thought twice about describing my best friend as a bright and vibrant soul, with a graceful beauty and creativity that seemed to spring from every asset of his life. I was allowed to describe how we could talk about anything, and the way he touched my life. None of my description would have been considered a weird conversation, and I would not have been judged for it. If I had been describing a best friend that was a girl or my sister, I would have had the same luxury. And, when my best friend and I had to go our separate ways, it was pretty familiar ground for my friends to comfort me. It was like a breakup. We both could sense we weren't growing this way anymore. Our friendship was hard to explain to the romantic partners in our lives, who couldn't fathom us not being romantically involved. It was heartbreaking, and I knew I had said goodbye to a soul mate, but I was prepared to say goodbye, because it was best for everyone involved.

My story of goodbye is fairly easy to understand, even if the relationship was complicated. What happens, though, if that best friend and soul mate is your brother, or your sister, or the creative partner that your lively hood depends on? Then, whether you are male or female, it becomes even more challenging to describe, harder to balance, and seemingly unfathomable to say goodbye. How do you share that much of yourself, and still find the balance of a romantic relationship in your life? What if you are a guy, and your soul mate is another guy, and  you don't feel like you have the right words to describe how you feel?  This person may be an incredible source of love, inspiration, and frustration for you (all words used to describe a soul mate), but you feel kind of funny saying that, because your relationship doesn't quite fit into one of those easily defined boxes. And even worse, what if life circumstances force you to say goodbye? I have seen many friends deal with complicated and gut wrenching goodbyes, but it does seem that some are easier to wrap your mind around than others. It is that complicated mind processing, which will never make sense of the situation, but still chooses to try to find a way to relate to the world when it would be easier to hide - these are the type of people who inspire me. This set of march eclipses, provided an unexpected mirror to my own losses, goodbyes, and new beginnings (all Pisces themes, which were really brought to a pinnacle with the first March eclipse); not to mention giving further examination of the idea of actively creating balance in all areas of my life (that last Libra eclipse in the series was a doozey for me). Although I am sure we will all be glad to move onto a new set of lessons, I will always feel blessed for the ways in which I was taught these ones.  

As an astrologer, I love messy, gritty, real people, that are willing to get into their shit and really sort it out. The more complicated and aware the person, the less predictably they react to the influences of the transits against their chart. I am always fascinated to see how these people pull it off. I have watched an Aries eclipse cause a client to break free from an old sense of identity, and walk into her purpose, when continuing to bury her head in the stubborn Taurus ego would have been easier and less scary. I've seen this movement of eclipses encourage people into counseling, men and women with strongly intellectual based signs like Gemini, Aquarius, and Virgo, to honestly start tackling difficult, emotional groundwork. Although this is not natural for them, it certainly is the higher octave of self love that they needed in order to move forward toward self-actualization. It can be amazing! I know it sounds a little sexist, but I meet very few men who do not behave fairly predictably within the framework of their charts - but I have met a few. They are beautiful! They need encouragement from all the women in their lives, because these complicated, sensitive, evolving males are hearing the call of balance from this last set of eclipses. Whether these men known it or not, they have always been chosen to lead, and they don't have many examples.

There is something kind of incredible about a man that can recognize, and express a connection so profound, that it helps to define who they are. There is something amazing in this for women, too! These men want to embrace another human, regardless of an easy label; however they are still interested in being men, and embracing the wild and assertive side of the sacred masculine. This is uncharted territory, requiring delicate balance, and they are showing other men how it's done. For all of my sisters out there, that have been telling me they aren't that attracted to the men they meet who are pursuing a spiritual path, have patience; it's coming. We're all having a difficult time honoring the sacred masculine and feminine within us. There has been a lot of talk in astrological circles about the meaning of the set of eclipses that started three years ago, in October of 2013. It has been fascinating on an intellectual level, but on a personal level, watching this balance unfold in real life, for the people I love (usually with no astrological help at all), has been wonderful to experience.

As men become more capable of honoring and appreciating the sacred feminine within, they become aware of just how strong and healing that feminine energy is. As we all start adjusting what it means to be a strong and potent man, women can let go of our need to imitate an unhealthy version of the male ego in order to compete in our society. As we all start heeding the call of balance within our own body, mind, and spirit, we can also start honoring all the soul mates in our lives - because we have many. More importantly, not only did this last three year cycle give us the time and space to explore the ideas of love, relationship, and identity of self vs. other, it is also awakening the need for a more evolved idea of love: the kind of love that does not own or control; the kind of love that holds a heart with an open hand, not a closed fist; the kind of brotherly love that isn't the passionate, all consuming love of Venus and Mars, but a Neptunian idea love. This is the love that wants all good things for each other which, unfortunately sometimes includes letting go, and all the human emotion of the flesh not wanting to. That is the beauty of this set of eclipses for me - watching those I love actually putting in the work: the work to feel it, no matter how bad it hurts; the work of trying to put into words things that have no clear path to define; the work of living through it all and choosing to redefine love, instead of taking the easier path of bitterness and escapism (a favorite hiding spot for Pisces energy, themes the March 8th eclipse brought up). I am in awe of you all, and you inspire me to continue to fight the fight of helping people make sense of it all.